To Paradise by Hanya Yanagihara

 

"But I just couldn't see him again. I know that sounds illogical. But it took so much energy and discipline to remind myself not to hope for my husband's love that I didn't think I had enough strength not to hope for David's love, either. It was too difficult for me. I would have to learn to forget or ignore my feelings for David, and I wasn't going to be able to do that if I kept seeing him. It was better to pretend I had never met him at all."